Hey it's Grace! Probably forgot about me at this point, right?
Well I’ve been MIA for quite some time now, and here’s the truth…Things haven’t been the best lately. And in all honesty, it just sucks.
Contrary to your initial assumptions, life has been fine, great opportunities are arising, positive things are happening, and relationships are stable. The only thing I can define that’s wrong is that I’m just internally struggling.
Which is crazy to me, to think everything can be okay, yet I’m still not okay?
From an outsider’s perspective I look fine, and I’ve been improving and growing immensely. However internally I feel so lost and overwhelmed. Honestly, overwhelmed is an understatement.
I feel I’m juggling many variables at once currently. School, health, family, boyfriend, work, social life, income, deadlines, future, myself, the list in my head is endless. I’ve been struggling to prioritize and organize my focus; and often times than not, I find myself putting everyone else’s needs and expectations ahead of myself.
It’s as if I’m physically juggling 10 different balls, but the 1 ball that refers to my internal stability, keeps falling. And although the 9 other balls are flying around fine, I still am stuck feeling like a failure.
Now that I think of it though, I guess I’m putting too much emphasis on the balls that are dropping, versus the balls that are flying. Which refers back to my perfectionistic nature, and how I get easily fixated on what not is good, but what is failed.
There I go again with my crazy analogies haha, I hope this is making sense?
Anyways, wish me luck on getting my sh*t together. Hopefully my excessive anxiety will subside soon and ill figure out how be more efficient at internal stability.
Talk soon, Grace